Full time cancer and full time teaching don't mix

Yet again it has been a while since my last post. Between school starting, coaching swimming and battling cancer I feel like I have three full time jobs. Needless to say when I do have a moment to breathe I am trying to play catch up on what I missed the day before. That or I am sleeping. But for those who have been worried I am alive and working on the getting well for the most part. The past month has been a whirlwind of side effects and sicknesses. This is the first week I feel like myself again (or as much as I can with chemo pumping through me). My last blog I left off talking about how my biggest challenge coming up would be surviving the first day of school. Well I am here to tell you that was a success. However, a very short lived success. The beginning of the school year is always one giant cloud of germs and dust as most teachers will attest. Students are coming in from the outside world bringing in a variety of different germs combined with the dust that settled in my classroom over the summer and Seattle summer turning to rain. I knew I would eventually be doomed in the wellness department it was just a matter of when. Well after surviving the first week of school (yet getting sicker by the day) I ended up having to go to the hospital on that Saturday. I woke up Saturday, September 6th feeling terrible. I had terrible sinus pressure and a cough that took my breath away. I took my temperature throughout the day and slowly watched it creep up to 101.4 Farenheit. Now I know that seems very high to wait that long to go to a doctor but according to my chemotherapy information there is not much they can do until my fever spikes above 101 Farenheit. Once it reaches this temperature it is considered an infection and can be life threatening. Silly huh? Why wait till that point? Any way once my fever spiked I called SCCA and let them know my symptoms and temperature. They immediately referred me to University of Washington Hospital Emergency Room. This put a huge damper on my plans. I had hoped to go to a concert that night that Daniel and I were looking forward to. Damn chemo! Once I got to the hospital they admitted me, took x-ray scans of my chest and started me on a slew of antibiotics. One thing I hate about hospitals is they don't ever consider how hungry you are when you are there. That feeling (because I did not have time to eat dinner or eat at all that day) mixed with all the antibiotics made me feel worse than when I walked into the ER. After I got my scans back they determined I had pneumonia. To be safe they admitted me for the night in the cancer ward to pump me full of more antibiotics; none however, made me feel any better. After I was admitted I was assigned a resident doctor to oversee me through the night. She checked all my blood counts and sheepishly decided that I needed a blood transfusion in the morning. This all seemed ridiculous to me. How can a sinus infection result in all this? I was hesitant but I assumed this nervous resident knew more than I did and if she thought this was the best solution than so be it. After a sleepless night in the hospital and some vomiting from the antibiotics an attending doctor came in and decided I did not need the transfusion after all. My blood counts were low but I had no other major symptoms that made them assume I needed a tranfusion. In fact, he decided I could be discharged that morning, given oral antibiotics to take home and be on my way. This overnight vacation seemed like a hefty bill for really no solution to my pain. I still left feeling just as bad as I went in. The only positive was I did not have a fever any more.

After my awesome visit to the hospital I had a week till my next chemotherapy appointment. Let me restate that...My LAST Red Devil Chemo appointment. I still felt terrible but I wanted to get it over with. I some how made it through the week and my blood levels were high enough so that Friday it was a successful transfusion. My doctor also prescribed me a more potent antibiotic hoping it would clear my infection/pneumonia faster since the antibiotics the hospital gave me weren't cutting it. These antibiotics were that week's downfall!

That week after my last dense dose chemo was the worst week of all this adventure. Not only was the side effects of the chemo in full force but so was the side effects of the antibiotics mixed with my cough. So that week I suffered severe diarrhea, dehydration, and manic coughing on top of all the fatigue and nausea. I was so weak I thought for sure by Wednesday I would pass out driving home from work. I couldn't make it through the day without breaking out in tears in front of my coworkers and students. It was terrible but after attempting to make it through the day on Wednesday at school I left early and went straight to SCCA. There I spoke with my nurse, got another chest x-ray and they prescribed me a new cough medicine. That night I went home and slept for 3 days straight. I had hoped through all of this I wouldn't miss school for random sick days because if I did I would feel bad for my students but my body told me I needed to rest NOW so I did and boy did it help!

Flash forward a week later to this past Friday, I know this is a huge time lapse, but I started my low dose Taxol chemotherapy. This chemotherapy will be every Friday for the next twelve weeks. Yay (vomit)! I no longer have to get a Nuelasta shot on Saturdays to boost my white blood cell count (yay no more aches and pains in my bones) but this does mean I have to be extra cautious of my health. I am praying I stay healthy throughout this fall so I do not have to miss a chemo appointment. Right now I am scheduled to end chemo on December 13th. If I miss one appointment at all it will bump into Christmas break and I may not get to go home. Cross my fingers this doesn't happen. When I went in on Friday for my chemo appointment it went the same as all the others. I first had a blood draw (my counts were high enough to proceed), followed by a visit with my oncologist and then my transfusion. My doctor told me my mass is getting smaller. I can still feel it deep in my tissue but I really have to dig for it. After she did my physical exam she discussed all the side effects Taxol has. The effects are less severe than the A/C (Red Devil) but over time (12 consecutive weeks) can get worse. They are as follows: fatigue (but not as bad- I was up and moving on Monday which is unusual), extreme heartburn (still one of the worst side effects), constipation (terrible- don't EVER take pooping for granted) :) hot flashes (these are really bad right now and I haven't slept in days), and last but not least peripheral neuropathy. Peripheral neuropathy is bad. My oncologist said that with Taxol I could lose feeling in my hands and feet and if I do not monitor it, and it will become permanent. She told me in order to help prevent complete loss of feeling in my hands and feet it I needed to buy Glutamine powder and take it three times a day in yogurt or hot tea. Yesterday I went to a supplement store purchased this powder and started taking it today. It is quite disgusting but beats losing feeling in my extremities. I got my armor on and I am still fighting strong. 

So this sums up the past month. Now to discuss how I feel emotionally. This month has been the hardest yet. With being sick, missing family, getting more and more medical bills I am overwhelmed with emotions. Yet I keep pushing. I keep telling myself it could be worse. I keep telling myself so many people are looking up to me to put on a brave face and push through, and I have. I know I have the right to cry, and believe me I have, but something inside of me tells me it is not worth it. I am alive. I have the most AMAZING friends and family in my life that have kept me going. I feel stronger every day because of them. It kills me inside that I will never be able to repay these people who have had such an impact on me the last few months. It is another thing I will never again take for granted. You have reignited my flame (thanks Sarah for the reference). This feeling alone is overwhelming, but a happy overwhelming. I spoke with my mother today about how I wish I could pay back everyone who has been so incredibly amazing to me in this time and she told me nobody expects pay back but I can always pay it forward. I want more than anything to pay it forward and one day I will. This experience has changed me more than I really think I can comprehend. It brings me to tears thinking about how all the positives have truly outweighed the negatives. I am hundreds of miles away from my family but the love I feel from everyone makes me feel like I am right at home and not at one moment alone in this fight. Friends I lost touch with, family I haven't seen in forever, or even met before are reaching out to keep me positive. Many people have said I have changed them for the better but they have no idea how much they have changed me. Thank you all so much!

I have eleven weeks left of chemotherapy and I am assuming (let's hope I am right) that it can only get easier from there. I mean a new set of boobs (ha ha) and a potential tummy tuck to make them beats heartburn, nausea, fatigue, constipation and just overall feeling crappy right? Phase one of this year long job is almost over with. I can see  the light at the end of the tunnel and I feel like I cannot run fast enough to get there, but I promise myself and my family I will be sprinting and karate chopping the whole way. I value my life and I am strong. Cancer picked the wrong person. Anyone who knows me knows I am a work-a-holic so three intense jobs, like I have right now, is a breeze.

P.S. Fun Fact: My nurse told me the other day my nose will probably run on a regular basis because since I have lost most of my body hair that includes nose hair too. Weird huh? Because I have no hair in my nose I can't stop the snot from running. Haha I found it fascinating. Also below is a picture of my new bald head. All I have now is baby hair that doesn't fall out because of its follicles.