I get by with a little help help from my friends...I am going to try with a little help from my friends

Week 17 is coming to a close and today is Chemo #9 of 16. Before I go into my play by play recap of the last few weeks I think it is only fitting to make you watch/listen to the song that summarizes this post. Take a moment and enjoy!

Since my last post at the beginning of this month my spirits have been high and so has my health. There was a scare the first few weeks of my Taxol that my Hematocrit levels were getting too low and I would have to really think about getting a blood transfusion but as of last Friday (cross my fingers nothing has changed in the last week) my numbers were going up into the "healthy" range. With Taxol my eating habits have gone back to normal which I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing because I LOVE food so much. I have put on most of my weight that I lost with the A/C chemo but it is hard to know if that is just the water weight from the Taxol or me actually eating my way through the refrigerator. Either way it makes me feel good and happy. Another positive note that all my lady friends will be jealous of is I have not had to shave my legs in 3 weeks. The Taxol continues what the A/C chemo started and the rest of my body hair is falling out. There are pros and cons to this but I won't go into detail. I am still having serious hot flashes that are keeping my up on a regular basis and sadly punishing my students in my classroom because I have to keep my windows open all the time. It is like clock work. I will have a hot flash for ten minutes then be fine for about 20 minutes and then have another hot flash. My infusion nurse a few weeks ago told me the hot flashes are caused from the Lupron shot I am getting that is supposed to protect my eggs/ovaries but the side effect was only supposed to last 2 weeks not 4 weeks as it has. And I am screwed because I have to have another Lupron shot this week (every 4 weeks) so it will start full force all over again. It is a joke in the Science Department at my school. We call it cancerpause instead of menopause. Whenever I hear the word cancerpause it really just makes me chuckle because I picture cats with hospital face masks pawing at me. Weird visual I know but it gets me through this annoying side effect. My oncologist prescribed me some menopause medication this morning so I am hoping that is does the trick and disarms the cancerpause.The last side effect that is now in full force is the peripheral neuropathy. Everything I said before about it being bad was nothing compared to what I am experiencing now. I have lost complete feeling of my fingertips. Typing right now is actually proving to be quite difficult. It started a little over a week ago and just spread like wild fire to all my fingers. The sensation I feel all day every day is like when you smash your finger nail in a door and it is a numb/painful sensation. It is not fun at all. I am having trouble opening doors, food items, peeling oranges (I am on a orange kick right now), typing, and just really functioning normal in general. In fact two funny/mortifying examples of my neuropathy getting the best of me are as follows: Last week I was stamping my students' papers for completion with this awesome stamp I have (quotes things like "that warrants a fist pump") and I thought I had a good grip on the stamp but really was hardly holding it. As I pressed down on one student's paper the stamp flew out of my hand and rolled down his shirt. Luckily he was wearing a darker colored shirt, otherwise he would have had "that warrants a fist pump" all the way down his chest. I felt so bad! So bad! He was super sweet though and let me know it was no big deal as I was trying to explain to him why it had happened. The second time the neuropathy got the best of me is when I was walking my dogs and I thought I had a good grip on Newton's leash (my large weimaraner) when I didn't. Luckily I noticed shortly before he did that I wasn't actually holding his leash at all and I grabbed it avoiding a serious possibly dog fatal catastrophe. My doctor told me this side effect would happen and I have been taking my Glutamine powder with chocolate milk three times a day so it won't be permanent. Glutamine powder in chocolate milk makes me think of Ovaltine "Don't shoot your eye out" which is how I feel...scratch that...don't feel on a daily basis. Again I got to make jokes to make it worth it. Besides those two side effects, the continuous heartburn and the daily fatigue I feel amazing (that part isn't a joke).

Now to get to the point of the awesome music video at the beginning. The past few weeks have been extremely overwhelming. I mentioned this in my last blog but my mind is flooded with so many different emotions it is hard to decide which one I am actually projecting anymore. Sometimes I cry but I don't really know if I am crying because I was dealt a crappy hand or if I am happy because I know I am loved. Lately, however, the happy emotions seem to extremely outweigh the self pity emotions. About a month ago Eastlake High School (the school I teach at) started a fundraiser to help me with my medical bills and also promote awareness for breast cancer. At first the fundraiser started out small and was just the girls swim team selling t-shirts to their families and having a weekend car wash, but my swim team family is absolutely amazing and they just were not satisfied with stopping there. Some of my girls went door to door asking their neighbors to donate and the whole swim team started selling pink shirts to faculty and the rest of the student body. Pretty soon pink exploded all over the halls of my school and kids, parents and faculty were bringing me lunches and gifts to show me they loved me. The fundraiser became such a success that the Leadership class decided to have a pink out Friday with a pep assembly to promote breast cancer awareness and celebrate how amazing all the students and faculty are at supporting one of their own. Unfortunately the pep assembly was on a Friday and I was stuck in a hospital bed getting a transfusion but they sent me a video to show me how much they love me. Some of you may have seen it but it is worth watching again. Every day since I received this video whenever I am feeling down or alone I watch this video and it instantly fills me with warmth and happiness. It is a very powerful thing and I could not be happier being part of this community!

 

 

Another overwhelmingly happy moment that occurred the past few weeks was back home in Kansas City. A few friends of mine decided to hold a benefit concert, to again, help me pay for my medical expenses. They had live music, a silent auction, a pizza buffet, specialty drinks, and a raffle to come up with funds to support me. They hosted the benefit at a local bar run by a wonderful couple I went to high school with. I got the privilege to Face Time with my mom during the benefit and the outpouring amount of love and support was truly incredible. There were so many people there, some I haven't even seen in over a decade. As my sister was parading her phone around so I could say hello to everyone tears were streaming down my face. They were happy tears and sad tears because I wanted more than anything to be there. Again it is the big things like this that get me through each week and excited as I check off each and every chemo appointment. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! It is nice to have a little help from my friends...

This week I went back and read some of my old posts just as a reassurance to myself that I have come a long way. In the beginning posts I was still "healthy" or should I say not chemo infused and I was active and having some fun. I feel like since school/chemo started all the fun has been sucked out of me. I have not had the opportunity or the strength to go out and do the things I want to do. I live in an incredible city and the thought of walking two blocks to a restaurant frightens me. I am getting cabin fever sitting in my 500 square foot studio apartment each and everyday but I know once this is over I will probably be more active then I have ever been. A couple weeks ago my sister came in town and I wanted more than anything to show her the city (my mission is to convince anyone and everyone to move to Seattle). On Thursday and Friday of that week we stuck around the house and played Phase 10 (my favorite game) and watched movies. On Saturday, I decided I had this burst of energy and I wanted to get out of the house and show her the area. I knew I couldn't walk far so I decided to drive her and Daniel out to Woodinville to the Red Hook Brewery for some lunch, a brewery tour and some drinks (for them not me). We had an awesome time and a couple friends from my work actually came out and joined us which ended up turning into an all day event. It was a blast and I felt great the whole time! On Sunday, we headed to Fremont (Carly's next place of residence) to go to the Farmer's Market. Before I was diagnosed I worked at a restaurant/bar in Fremont and on Sunday's would always be so jealous of everyone who got to go to the market because I could see it but always had to work during it. We started the day going to lunch at my old place of business, which was nice because I got to say hello to everyone, followed by treasure searching at the Farmer's Market. Once we finished at the Farmer's Market we headed to Gas Works Park for some LARP (live action role playing) watching and incredible views. It was really fun and I think I convinced Carly just a little bit more to move to Seattle. At the end of the day, though, I was beyond exhausted and I think all the exertion I put into the week caught up with me. I ended up being couch confined the rest of the evening as Daniel and Carly explored a little more. So again, it goes back to the idea of how just being a little active scares the crap out of me.

Last update for this blog: today my oncologist told me I get to go home for Christmas. Daniel and I are hoping to come home December 20-26th (flights permitted). I am so excited to see all of you who have been following my journey and reached out to me when I was at my lowest. In the next few weeks my surgeon will be calling me to start looking into scheduling a time frame for my surgery. They project it will be within the first few weeks after the holidays. Time for me to start doing some research on my options.

P.S. Not sure if I said this already but I am totally going as Walter White for Halloween. It is only fitting! Daniel and I are hoping to go costume shopping this weekend.