Shelby-1 Cancer-0

I know I know it has been so long since my last post. I would like to say it is from the lack of sleep, or the intense pain I am feeling or the pain medicine that I have been hopped up on for weeks but I have also waited for more answers. After my surgery there were a bunch of unknowns. I wanted more answers before I explained it all to you.

As I sit down to write this post I am singing Destiny's Child "Survivor" out loud at the top of my lungs (or at least the chorus part of the song). Man do I love the 90's! Wednesday marks six weeks post surgery and although I am getting cabin fever I am doing really well. I cannot wait to get back into a normal routine (I go back to work Wednesday) and enjoy the sunshine that comes with Seattle spring. The past six weeks have definitely been interesting and at times very testing but each day that goes by is getting easier.

The day before my surgery I picked my mother and grandmother up from the airport. They both came to support me through my surgery and beginning of my recovery so Daniel would not have to do it alone. Going in to my surgery I wasn't scared, worried or nervous. I am not sure if it was because I accepted my surgery as something I needed or if I was still in shock and not fully aware of how it would change me. I am not sure there is anything that could prepare you for a life-changing surgery so I just went in with positive thoughts and a sense of humor.

The day of my surgery we had to be at the hospital at 6:30 a.m. When we arrived they took me back to a pre-surgery room filled with tons of beds with many people preparing for surgery just as I was. It was a weird feeling being completely exposed but I had Daniel and my mom at my side to ease my mind. For the first hour (everything seems sort of blurry that day) they took my vitals, prepared an IV and discussed exactly how the day would play out. Around 8 a.m. they wheeled my bed into the operating room put me on a the operating table and then that is all I remember. I didn't even realize the anesthesia worked so quickly. Next thing I remember was going in and out of consciousness 6 hours later and throwing up from the anesthesia. I am not sure exactly when I finally regained full consciousness but I know once I did they sent me up to my recovery room with my family. The rest of the day I slept with nurses occasionally waking me up to give me medicine or make me use the restroom. It wasn't until the early hours of the next morning that I was awake enough to really understand what was going on. During my recovery my nurse taught me how to empty my drains and explained what I needed to focus on in the days to come for my recovery and later that day I was discharged from the hospital to go home.

The first week home was rough in my recovery. Taking care of the drains was a nightmare and sleeping upright was not ideal. I am so glad my mom, Daniel and my grandmother were there and so patient with me through it all. That week I had my post-op appointment with my surgeon. At this appointment I was able to get my drains out and she explained my pathology report to me. Now in my last post I explained how my oncologist explained to me that I may need to have more chemotherapy after my surgery because my MRI showed a mass still in my breast. She said since it seemed like I had not responded to the chemo as much as they had hoped that more chemotherapy may be necessary. She told me she would know more after the pathology report came back. Well on that day I met with my surgeon and was given the good news. The pathology report showed that I had a complete pathological response. All the spots that once had cancer in them now show no residual cancer. Then on February 28th my oncologist told me I don't have to have more chemotherapy! She then prescribed me Tamoxifen which I will now take daily for the next ten years. Countdown till February 28, 2024 in full effect.

During my surgery the plastic surgeon placed expanders underneath my chest muscle to stretch my skin for my future reconstruction. In the past few weeks I have been going in twice a week to the surgeon's office to have those expanders filled before I start radiation. Filling the expanders has caused immense pain in my chest and my back. The expanders are awful. They feel like odd shaped footballs in my chest. They are hard to the touch and limit the movement of my arms. My last fill is March 17th and then on March 21st they will deflate the expanders to begin radiation only to re-inflate them at the end of radiation until my next surgery. It will definitely be a relief when they deflate them.

Round three of this battle will start early April. I met with my radiologist last week and learned I will have an aggressive radiation treatment because of how my cancer presented in July. They want to make sure there is no chance for the cancer to come back. Radiation will last roughly 28 days or 5 1/2 weeks and will be daily (Monday-Friday). The main side effects are sunburn and fatigue which is nothing compared to what I have been through in round one and two of this fight. The only downer to round three is that it will be an inconvenience to go everyday to SCCA for radiation.

Well enough of the boring medical talk. As I said in the beginning of this post I have been singing "Survivor" at the top of my lungs since receiving my news that I was cancer-free. However, I have not celebrated as much as I probably should. I am still frightened it will come back. I am sure over time this uneasiness will go away but also over time I am scared it may come back. I am a young survivor which means I have many years of life ahead of me, but in that life I have more possibilities that I will get cancer again. I am not sure how I would feel about fighting this alien-disease again. I know I need to be more optimistic and happy and maybe when this is all over with I will be. Right now I am a weary optimist. Through all this I have learned to be more diligent in check-ups and monitoring my health. I want to live a long full life and I know no alien disease will stop me from succeeding.

I know this is a long chaotic post. I am frantically writing this before I leave for my next expander fill appointment. I promise now that that rough stuff is over I will post more frequently as I did this summer. I want to celebrate the life I am living and the fun I will soon be having. Like I said Seattle springs are beautiful and I am SO ready to get out of this house and enjoy it.